


Dreams of Yesterday

by Ashei



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, M/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1538849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashei/pseuds/Ashei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili was five years old when his younger sibling was born. With each day making him more excited, he eagerly awaited the arrival of the baby. However life, while beautiful, is unfair and cruel.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Birth

Fili was five years old when his baby brother was born. 

He slept by his mother’s side when she asked him, breathlessly, to wake his uncle. Still in a sleepy daze, he hardly noticed the panic in her voice. Nor could he even have guessed that she was crying. She lay seemingly still beside him. However, if one had taken a closer look, she trembled. 

Yawning and rubbing his eyes sleepily, he tumbled off over the edge of the bed and hit the floor with a loud groan. Slowly standing, he made his way towards the door whilst dragging his feet on the old musty rug. It was an smelly, dingy,  and mustard-coloured. Just as he reached for the doorknob, his mother insisted he hurry. His tired eyes widened.

 Something was wrong. 

Within seconds he found himself yanking the door open and running to the adjacent room. His uncle was already awake when he burst through the door, pulling a shirt over his head. Holding his breath, the boy shifted as he waited and felt the beating of his heart increase. Fili’s face twisted upon feeling the sting of tears, the room blurred slightly, he quickly tried to blink them back. Crying wouldn’t solve anything. Taking his hand, his uncle hurriedly walked them back to Fili’s mother. 

“ _Frerin_ ,” she took a deep breath, “we need to go to the hospital. I don’t feel right.”

Fili’s face paled as he watched his uncle help his mother get out of bed. The mere sight of her made his heart sink. She could barely stand without the support of Frerin and her breathing was deep and ragged. Despite her obvious pain and discomfort, she smiled at him. It was barely a reassurance, but he returned the gesture anxiously. 

Frerin calmly ordered Fili to get the keys and open the front door; the boy nodded and took off without another word. His uncle’s car keys were on the kitchen counter beside the old toaster oven, he’d seen Frerin drop them there earlier that day.

 He realized, as he stomped down the stairs, he was still much shorter than the counters. There was no way he could reach without climbing on something. 

The memory of falling played back in his mind; he felt a shiver crawl down his spine. His mother always warned him to never do so, but he hardly had the choice. He quickly pushed a chair against the lower cabinets, trying to disregard the horror stories and memories, and placed a leg on the soft cushion. Once completely on, he stood and grabbed the keys hastily. He carefully, but as fast as possible, got off and wobbled towards the front of the house. His mother and uncle had just gotten down the stairs by the time Fili came rushing. 

Once driving, Frerin glanced over at his sister, “we should call Thorin.”

Her answer came immediately, “ _No_.”

Fili, sitting in the backseat, sleepily wondered about why his mother seemed so angry upon hearing the name ‘ _Thorin_ ’? 

“Don’t be this way,” Frerin sighed. 

“Then _don’t_ mention him,” she snapped back. 

No one spoke until they reached the hospital. Fili’s mother was quickly ushered to another room, the nurses flocking around her like birds. She smiled back at her son and brother before completely disappearing around a corner. Fili was left standing in the waiting room with his uncle beside him. Nervously, he looked around the full room, hoping the butterflies in his stomach would cease their fluttering. An elderly woman caught his gaze and looked down. The young boy looked up at Frerin with wide eyes. 

“Is mommy dying?”

The elder looked down with a kind, yet amused, smile. Frerin kneeled in front of the boy, tucking a lock of golden hair behind his ear. Fili cocked his head to one side, a curious expression on his face.

“She’s fine. They just have to check the baby.”

“Is the baby sick?”

“No, the baby is fine.” Frerin ran a hand through his hair as he assured the boy, “it’ll be alright.”

Fili nodded, pretending to understand as Frerin pulled him up into his arms. The boy rested his head on the shoulder of the other and closed his eyes, feeling secure wrapped in his uncle’s grasp. _It’s like being with daddy;_ he closed his eyes and imagined it really was. However, despite his best efforts, he couldn’t picture it perfectly. He had begun to forget what his father looked like. His warm and secure embrace was all that was left of him now; the pictures of him had been filed away by his mother and left for none to see. Fili didn’t understand, why wasn’t his father there with his mother? While she would later tell him the truth, to Fili, it was as though his father had simply gone on a trip and decided to never return. 

“Mr. Durin?” a nurse called, Fili looked up, “is there a Mr. Frerin Durin here?”

“Yes,” Frerin answered, standing up.

The nurse smiled up at him, “your sister insisted to have someone find you. She’s in labor at the moment… the baby is a little early but everything is perfect so far. We don’t see any issues at the moment.”

He smiled and whispered a relieved, “thank you.” 

Fili tightened his hold around his uncle’s neck, “Is something wrong?”

“You’re going to have a younger brother, or maybe even a sister,” the elder coughed.

“Is mommy going to live?” 

Frerin hugged the boy, “don’t worry, mommy will be fine. You know how tough she is.” 

 

However, Dis burst into tears upon the sight of her baby. Covering her eyes with her hands, she fell forward, wailing just as loudly as the newborn. The doctors, taken aback from the reaction, began swarming her with all sorts of questions. Still she cried and screamed. She refused to hold the baby when it was brought to her, she told them that she didn’t want to see it. 

“Why not?” a nurse asked, her eyes wide in shock. 

“It’s a boy!” Dis wailed sadly, “a _boy_!”

 

The day his mother came home from the hospital, Fili sat by the window watching. No one could have made him move from there; even the babysitter had given up earlier that morning. With her arms raised in defeat, she had gone to sit in the kitchen. He wanted to make sure she was coming home. When the car pulled into the driveway, his back straightened as he shuffled closer to the glass. His eyes were focused on the sight of his mother, her head hanging to the side, a sorrowful expression on her face. Her steps were slow and uncaring, as if all life had been drained from her. Frerin walked behind her, his face grim. 

“Fili,” Dis pulled the boy against her upon entering the house, “how’s my little lion?”

While he didn’t completely comprehend his mother’s odd behavior, he decided to ignore it. He smiled and returned the embrace. “Good,” he answered as he pulled back. 

Frerin scooped the boy into his arms, hugging him tightly, “you didn’t scare the babysitter off with that mighty roar of yours, did you?”

“No!” Fili giggled, tightening his hold on his uncle’s neck, “she’s in the kitchen.”

The man turned to his sister, “I’ll walk her home, it’ll give you time to talk things over with Fili.”

Dis nodded gratefully, taking her son’s hand when Frerin put him down. The boy stared around in confusion as he was silently led to the couch. His mother only brought him to the living room for serious conversations or when he did something bad. As he sat, she kneeled before him and grasped his hands. He flinched at how tightly she was holding them and squirmed, a grimace on his face.   

Nervously, he asked, “did I do something wrong?” 

His mother’s eyes widened. She quickly released his small hands, her own falling to her sides, “No, no!” she exclaimed, “you didn’t do _anything_ wrong. It’s…”

Dis shifted uncomfortably, evidently uncertain of her words. She stared down at her beautiful golden son, his big blue eyes meeting her own. Her lower lip trembled as she tried to hold back a sob. The boy was a spitting image of his father, in both looks and in some personality traits. While she wanted to believe that there was nothing of her own, she knew that was not so. 

 _Even in this life…you are the same_ , Dis released a shaky breath. “Do you like living here, Fili?”

“It’s okay,” he nodded before admitting, “I like it better than the cottage.” 

Her laugh made him nervous, “I didn’t like the cottage either, it was cold and smelly.”

Fili shifted, “mommy?”

She fell silent, her head dipped forward. Dis had no idea what to do anymore. She was quickly running out of ideas and excuses. For the first time since the death of her husband, all she wanted was for him to come back, to reassure her as he did in the past. She wanted to see his gentle smile and hear his soft laughter. He would have known exactly what to do and would have calmly come up with a plan. However, Dis admitted with great sadness, he would never return nor would he bless her with the sight of his smile. _She_ was the one who needed to make a decision. 

Dis sat in thought for the next few minutes, her words chosen carefully. Fili would resent her for the choice. She knew. Frerin already did and only pretended to understand. However, she did not want forgiveness for what she had done and knew she would never get any. There was no one to blame but herself, only she could take the responsibility for her actions. 

“The baby isn’t going to be coming home to live with us like I promised.” 

Fili’s eyes widened, his voice nothing more than a whisper, “did it die?”

Again she fell silent. For the five-year old, the single tear that fell from her eye seemed to answer his question. He slowly reached for his mother’s face and tried to smile, but found he could not. Instead, like she, he cried. Even though he tried to stop, quickly wiping them away, they continued to pour down his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry.” Fili felt his mother wrap her arms around him as she kept apologizing. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered with a sob, “I’ll try to make it better for us.”

 

“Are you sure?” 

Fili was on his way to bed when he heard his uncle’s voice in his mother’s room. He knew better than to eavesdrop, so he kept moving and did his best to ignore the conversation going on. Much easier said than done. The walls were too thin to properly block their voices and Fili found himself listening whether he wanted to or not.

“Father can help. You could move back in, I’m sure he’d welcome you back… He could…”

“Sh! Be _quiet_!” Dis demanded in a panicked voice. 

“Please, sister, think things through very carefully. You still have your own family here to help, no matter what father or grandfather have said in the past.”

“I don’t need to be reminded, Frerin, but… I’ve already made up my mind.” She sighed, “I…this is the right thing to do.”

“Honestly, Dis, we have to stop living in the past one day. What’s done is done. Can’t we move on and live normally?” Frerin’s voice seemed tired and drained to Fili. 

The boy frowned as he listened. He wondered what they were discussing as he slipped under the covers of his bed. His mother seemed distraught about something. Fili closed his eyes as he listened to her pace in the next room. Her steps increasingly louder, the anger quickly followed.

“You don’t know what I went through! _Everything_ was taken from me.” She sighed, “sometimes I don’t get you, Frerin. Aren’t you on my side?”

“This isn’t about sides, Dis! We’re talking about a _child_. What happens when he remembers? You don’t think he’ll wonder?”

 

Fili would not remember most of the conversation between his mother and uncle, it would be as though it never really happened. The only thing he would recall was the sadness in his mother’s eyes as she silently affirmed the death of his younger sibling. 

From that night on, Fili’s dreams became bizarre and they seemed to take a life of their own. Visions of another world and strange people would make him toss and turn in his bed. Some mornings he would wake with tears in his eyes and a feeling of absolute dread. Others, he would wake perfectly happy. Dis would question him, but he would choose to not confide in his mother.


	2. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Fili's nightmares get worse... and Dis makes a decision.

Fili stirred in his sleep, an uneasy expression on his face. Every few seconds he mumbled something inaudible under his breath before tossing and turning. Frerin frowned as he looked up from his book and listened to the boy. It was another nightmare. He closed his eyes, preparing himself. Closing his book and placing it on the floor beside him, he adjusted his position so that he was sitting upright in the armchair, his hands clenched the armrests until his knuckles turned white. 

The past few months had been hard for all of them. Completely spooked out of her mind, Dis had decided to move to another state without prior plans to do so. She simply up and left. Frerin had been the one to make most of the arrangements for a new house, as he felt better knowing exactly where his sister and nephew would be living. He hadn’t planned on following them, however, Fili had begged him to come along. Frerin hadn’t known what to say to the boy. His nephew meant the world to him, so how could he refuse? In truth, he hadn’t wanted to leave Dis alone. The boy needed a stable home. Frerin wanted, as much as possible, to try and give him that. 

Just as he was about to sit back, thinking the nightmare was over, Fili’s piercing scream broke the silence of the room. Frerin launched himself towards the boy within seconds. The child’s arms flailed wildly, almost as if they wanted to reach out to something. Frerin quickly pulled the younger against him, soothing him as he rocked back and forth. Yet, the screaming went on for a few minutes. Once they died down, and Fili’s eyes opened and focused on the room, only then did Frerin speak. 

“Shh…everything’s alright,” he whispered, smoothing down Fili’s messy hair.

“I-I…” the boy released a sob, followed by a cough. He pushed against his uncle, trying to escape his firm grasp. Frerin only held on tighter.

“It was only a dream, Fili. You’re alright.”

Shuddering, the blond nodded slowly, “I-I know…”

The elder knew the nightmares were only getting worse. The occasional dream suddenly became a nightly occurrence. However, Fili never spoke about them to anyone nor did he give any indication of wanting to. Anyone who knew the boy would have been able to notice the changes in behaviour. He now turned away and wrapped himself in his own thoughts. His radiant smile was dull and gloomy, the brightness gone. He wore a mask to hide his inner emotions. Frerin hadn’t seen the boy laugh or play in weeks. 

Looking into his blue eyes, Frerin asked, “is there _anything_ you need Fili?”

“No,” the child answered looking down. 

 

“This isn’t any way for him to grow up.” 

Dis looked up from her papers on the kitchen table, a scowl on her face. She hadn’t wanted her brother to come live with her and Fili. But Fili had begged his mother to bring his uncle, crying and crying until she reluctantly gave in. He always passed judgement on the way she raised her son, as if he were completely knowledgeable in the subject. With no child or wife, she always told him he was in no position to criticize her and her choices in life. He would usually back off for a while. However, recently, he bothered her more and more concerning her son. He practically watched and hovered round the boy at all times of the day. It was almost infuriating to watch him. Dis would tell him to leave Fili alone, yet he ignored her words and kept a watchful eye on him.

She _knew_ that there was something wrong with Fili…but he never wanted to talk about it. No matter how much she persisted, he kept his mouth shut. _Just as stubborn as your father_ , she would sigh to herself. She wanted to help him, she loved Fili far too much to watch him suffer… but she didn’t know _how_.He pretended to smile and act as if nothing bothered him but the nightmares proved otherwise. He awoke almost every night screaming until his throat was raw and sore. Afterwards, he would cry into Frerin’s shoulder for hours. Still he kept his mouth shut tight. Even her brother couldn’t get the boy to admit anything. 

Her lips forming a thin line, she answered, “I know.”

Relieved she agreed with him, he went on to say, “maybe we should think about sending him to see someone… or dad…” 

“No.” She shook her head, “There is no _we_ in all of this. I think that Fili doesn’t _need_ to _see_ anyone. And if you’re going to suggest that _we_ ,” she pointed to herself and to Fili’s door, “go back home, to mom, dad, and grandfather…forget it. Get the idea out of your head. I’m not bringing my son into that household.” 

“Dis, _please_ …” 

She raised her hand, “stop it. I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“I know, you never do.” he moved to sit in front of her at the table, “I only want what’s best for Fili. He’s almost six…”

“I think I know what’s best for my son, Frerin.”

Before he realized he’d spoken, the question “do you?” slipped from his lips. Dis regarded him coldly, her anger quite visible. He felt all his frustration building up to the maximum point within himself. Releasing a breath, he tried his best to calm down. 

“I’m sorry,” he quickly added. “I just… I’m sorry. I don’t mean to barge in a rule your life, it’s just I _worry_ about you and Fili so much. Both of you mean the world to me. I’d do anything for the two of you.” Frerin sighed, “ever since… _he_ …I always wanted to make sure you were alright.” 

Tapping her finger against the table, Dis answered, “you should worry about yourself, Frerin. I can’t always be your top priority.”

Frerin flinched at the coldness in her voice. Giving her a sad look, he said, “I realize. But you’ll always be my little sister.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between them then. They sat across from one another, glancing towards Fili’s door every few minutes to make sure he wasn’t having another nightmare. At one point their eyes met, causing them both to stop. Dis cleared her throat. Frerin, from the corner of his eye, watched as she organized her papers. Every few seconds she would pause and read them over carefully before filing them away. He smiled despite the awkward atmosphere, noticing she still cocked her head to the side and frowned a little whenever she read something. It meant she was only skimming through the words and not absorbing anything.

“Dis…”

“I’m sorry Frerin.” she looked up with a sad smile, “I know you mean well… I’m worried about him too. There isn’t a day that goes by where I’m not worried about him. It would be so much easier if…” she sighed, running her finger along the edge of the table, “I’ll consider going home.”

“Thank you.” Frerin whispered. 

The next few months were some of the most difficult for Dis and Frerin. Fili’s dreams only increased in number and severity. Luckily for them the house was detached and far enough so that the neighbours couldn’t hear the screaming clearly. They did, however, examine the boy every time he walked out of the house. Their feigned kindness hid their true beliefs towards the family. They never allowed their own children to go over whenever Fili invited them, an excuse quickly making them “too busy”. Dis brushed their concerns away as much as possible, despite the constant embarrassment she felt when walking out the door. She tried to avoid any kind of contact with the other neighbourhood parents.  

By the time Fili’s sixth birthday came around, Dis had already made up her mind. She found herself smiling as she watched her brother pull Fili into his arms, the boy’s excitement visible in his twinkling eyes. It had been so long since either of them had seen him so happy. Frerin had, as much as he’d been able to bear, backed off and intervened only when he thought it had been necessary. Dis knew it had taken much effort on his part. It was he who had insisted they go out all together, to get Fili distracted as well as exhausted. This had caused her to be extra wary of Frerin. He had backed off too easily for her liking, making her suspect he was in contact with their parents and telling them what was going on. He tried, as subtly as possible, to suggest going back home on countless occasions. She ignored the topic whenever it happened to come up. So, instead she went along with his ideas to get Fili tired and distracted, playing along. Despite it not helping with the nightmares, they had each appreciated the times they saw the blond boy smile. Their combined efforts had cracked the wall Fili had tightly built upon himself, but only slightly. He spoke more freely about what he felt but refused to divulge any information about his dreams. Frerin had advised Dis not to pry too hard, claiming it cause the boy to begin fixing the cracks and build his wall anew. She had reluctantly stopped asking about the dreams. 

“So,” Frerin sat the boy on his lap, “any last crazy birthday wishes?” 

“A spaghetti bath?” 

With a bemused smile, the man looked to Dis and laughed. Her eyes were wide in horror and disgust. She stood with her arms crossed stiffly, though Frerin saw the shudder clearly. The mere idea made her wriggle uncomfortably. They had both taken one in the past as children, although Dis’ experience had left her with bad memories. Frerin never understood the reason why and never asked, but he loved to tease her about it. He was partly to blame for the boy’s request, having spoken about it and making it seem like the greatest idea. The child’s eyes had widened in wonder whenever the subject came up. 

“We don’t have spaghetti,” Dis bit her lip. “Maybe next year?”

“Can’t we go buy some?” the boy looked up at her with big eyes, making her shift.

Frerin smoothed the boy’s hair down, “the stores are closed by now… how about we do it when your mom goes out? It’ll be fun. Then you can tell her all about it.”

“Promise?” 

“It’s a promise.” 

Fili smiled before yawning tiredly, rubbing his eyes. Frerin lifted the boy and walked towards the child’s bedroom. Dis didn’t follow, instead she watched as they disappeared into the room. Before falling asleep Fili would ask his uncle to tell him a story. Dis had long since run out of stories to tell her son, he always complained that she told him the same one over and over. The duty had then fallen to her brother. He had always been better at coming up with original stories. 

“So,” Frerin hummed as he tucked Fili in and grabbed a nearby chair, “what’ll it be tonight…?” 

“…Make it…” the boy’s head drooped a little, “different…”

“ _Different_.” the man echoed. “How about…There was once an ancient dwarf kingdom, a glorious underground city rich with gold and Mithril, overtaken by evil orcs…?” he glanced over at Fili, who seemed intrigued. Closing his eyes, he continued with, “the dwarves, having suffered great loss before, wished to take back this kingdom at all costs. Several dwarf leaders joined forces, creating one huge army. Two brothers, both princes, joined the battle along with most of their kin. The younger of the two had been advised to stay behind countless times, but he didn’t listen. He wanted to follow his brother and father…

“The battle began on a cold and gloomy winter day, the clouds covered the sky like a thick blanket. No light could pass through, making the day seem like night. The dwarves stood on a low sloping hill with their weapons ready, prepared for their enemy. Both brothers looked to one another and nodded, wishing the other luck. The thundering sound of their enemy approaching made them whirl and face forward again. However, upon spotting the orcs as they poured out of the mountain, the dwarves realized they were greatly outnumbered. Their army was but a fraction of the other. Yet, they did not allow themselves to lose hope. Even when they were pushed back…into the forest… and lost many of their people, the dwarves pushed on. They were as ruthless as their enemy…”

Fili looked up at his uncle curiously when he stopped. “What happened after? Did they win?”

“They did.” Frerin looked down sadly, “they defeated most of the orcs.” 

“So they got the kingdom back?”

“In a way, yes.” Frerin answered in a quiet voice, “But the dwarves had lost many. After the fight they returned to their homes. Some of the orcs had gone back into the kingdom, and since many of the dwarves had already died, they decided not to go after them. It would be too much of a risk.” 

“They gave up because more people would die…” Fili whispered. Suddenly, his eyes widened, “what happened to the brothers?”

Frerin, having been lost in thought, looked over at the boy. “What?”

“The two princes -the brothers- what happened to them?”

“Ah,” the elder leaned back in his chair, “the brothers…the older brother led the dwarves to victory along with some of the others. He was remembered as a brave warrior who faced the enemy with nothing more than a oaken branch…”

“The _younger_ brother,” Fili pressed. 

“He was not there for the end of the battle. He, along with the force he led with another dwarf, had been driven to a nearby lake. That’s where the enemy overwhelmed them.”

The boy stared down sadly, having an idea as to what his uncle would have said next. “That was a sad story…” 

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make it so sad.” Frerin offered a small smile and smoothed the boy’s blond hair down , “sometimes I just go with what I’m feeling… then the story gets sad. How about we do the spaghetti bath tomorrow? To make up for your uncle’s sad story.” 

“I liked it…” Fili yawned, “the story…it’s like my dreams…” 

Before he could ask anything, the boy had closed his eyes and drifted off completely. Frerin’s hand, still on Fili’s head, shook slightly. _Dreams_? He dreamt of something similar? The man felt his blood run cold upon realizing what was going on. Were the memories returning? The nightmares suddenly made sense. He stood up slowly, making his way back into the living room where his sister sat reading her papers. She couldn’t know. 

“Done already?” Dis looked up. Seeing her brother’s white face, she jumped up in concern, “what is it? What’s wrong Frerin?”

He avoided her gaze as he walked into the room, averting his eyes to an unknown point past her. Dis saw the sweat on his forehead and the way he clenched and unclenched his hands. Something was bothering him. The behaviour was odd for her brother, he was usually calm and collected all the time. Even as children he’d been rather reserved. She had always been able to tell when something was wrong with him, he tended to bottle up his emotions. It always showed on his face. Dis bit her lip as she watched him turn in circles. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked again, putting her paper down. 

“Huh? Nothing. Just feel funny, is all.” He scratched his head, “I think I’ll go to bed. See you in the morning.”

“Good night,” Dis waved after him, watching as her brother disappeared into his bedroom.

 

She remained awake for the next few hours, thinking hard on her decision. The entire day she felt as though she were at war with herself. Her heart wrenched upon the sight of Fili and his uncle playing together.Frerin would never forgive her. Fili would…he would have to learn to accept her choice. Closing her eyes, she swallowed the lump in her throat. _It’s now or never,_ she thought to herself, _I won’t get another chance like this…_

There was no going back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~  
> Thank you so much for reading DoY! Thank you so much for the comments, it was interesting to read that people thought this was creepy. It may have gotten creepier with this chapter >.>  
> Currently I'm in finals...so updates will be slower. However, I only have this week and next week. After that I'll be a free bird.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, more to come soon.


	3. Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thorin meets Thranduil in an elevator, and Fili is on the move with his mother.

Thorin walked along the corridors of Erebor, his shoulders slumped and his heart heavy. He’d heard the news of his nephew’s disappearance from Frerin earlier that morning when the other man had called in a state of hysteria. Shock wasn’t the word to describe what he had felt upon learning the story. No, it had been something along the lines of horror…a terrible feeling that made his stomach ache and churn. After ending the call with his brother, he hadn’t slept or eaten. Why had she done this? Dis had been doing well…from what he’d gathered from his younger brother’s e-mail updates. She’d been close to accepting help from the family again. Why had she done something so reckless and absurd? Disappearing out of the blue…No, he couldn’t blame her for her choice. Not now.

He knew he could never make up for what he had done to Dis. Not only had he destroyed the delicate balance she’d carefully built around herself, he’d ripped the center of her very being from her. His past mistakes had left her to be a bitter and miserable woman… even in this life.

Thorin mumbled under his breath and stopped to lean against a wall. A hand on his face, he sighed. He wanted nothing more than to forget everything. Was it his punishment? To remember the past he so much wanted to forget?

“Thorin?” a voice inquired behind him, “are you quite alright?”

“Hrm?” He turned, coming face to face with his co-worker. “Fine, Balin.”

“You’ve been walking in a daze all morning, lad. We passed the meeting room just now.”

The man suddenly remembered the meeting he was supposed to be holding that day. He looked around himself and noticed that he really _had_ passed the room. By quite a distance too. Scratching the back of his head and sighing, he turned around and headed back towards the conference room.

Balin followed with a grim expression. He’d heard the news from his brother, Dwalin earlier that morning. Thorin and him were best friends, so it was only natural that he would be the second person Thorin would call. Thus began the chain of phone calls. Once off the phone, Dwalin had called Balin to explain the situation and told him he would take the next plane into the city. He’d try to be there by the afternoon, he’d said before mumbling something about the airport and hanging up.                      There had been a time when Dis had allowed Balin to visit her after the death of her husband and had been happy to see him. They met a few times a week. It was rather unexpected when she turned away from him, suddenly closed off from the world in general. He hadn’t pushed the matter, figuring she would come around eventually…only she hadn’t. She’d remained cold and distant even after a few years had passed.

Watching the young man before him, he felt nothing but sorrow for him. He knew all too well the torment that clawed at Thorin’s heart…the guilt he felt…

“Thorin…” the elder reached out for the man’s arm, “go home, lad. I’ll take care of the meeting. Frerin must be distraught over what’s happened, he’ll want to see you.”

He seemed to consider what the elder had said but shook his head in response. “This meeting is far too important…”

“ _Thorin_ ,” Balin placed a hand on the other’s shoulder, “you aren’t in right state of mind. No one is at the moment in this family. I’ll take care of Schmitt; I know his tricks enough to weave past them.”

Thorin closed his eyes as he tried to decipher what the best decision would be. He knew he’d be impatient with Schmitt…probably whack him in the head for no reason aside from his irritating meddling and laugh. Which, to be frank, wouldn’t advance their situation in the slightest. Luckily Balin knew how to handle the man better than he did.

“Maybe you’re right.” The younger nodded, “I’m sorry Balin.”

“No need to apologize, lad.” The old man gave him a reassuring smile, “Dwalin should be arriving this afternoon. He was taking the next plane into the city this morning, he thought it would be better he was with you for the next little while.”

“He’s such a worrywart.” Thorin smiled, relieved at the idea of his best friend coming back, “I’m glad he’s coming. At least he’ll be around when I’m dealing with Frerin and our parents…”

As the man turned to leave, Balin turned to say one last thing, “She’ll come around. Dis is a smart girl.”

“I know.” Thorin answered with a fond smile, remembering his sister and how they’d been when they were children. “I wish…”

“Hm?”

He shook his head, not saying what he wanted to. Bidding Balin a good day, he turned on his heel and headed towards the elevators. As he walked he thought of their current situation. Had they all been born without the memories maybe Dis would never have gone down the path she had. They would have been a normal family. But, Thorin thought to himself as he walked down to hall, they weren’t a normal family. ‘Normal’ was far from what they were. They were reincarnations of their past selves, living their lives in a modern world. There was nothing left of their world. No mountains or large vast forests.

As he walked past his secretary, she regarded him with wide owl eyes. Thorin would never understand her constant awe-stricken face. So, with a smile and a nod, he said good-bye. She bobbed her head, like always, and quickly averted her gaze back to her papers. Thorin arrived to the elevators just in time to catch the one going down.

“Hold, please!” he called to whoever he’d seen in it, hoping to get it before the doors closed. He rushed inside and leaned against one of the walls just as he looked up to see who was with him.

“Thranduil.” He said coolly.

“Oakenshield.” The blonde echoed the same distant tone.

“How goes business?”

“Excellent.” The other man answered. Suddenly, however, something changed in his expression. He seemed troubled. As if he were trying to figure out what to say to Thorin.

“I hear Smaug is on the rise,” Thorin looked past Thranduil’s shoulder, “the bastard is bloody ruthless when it comes to both of our companies.”

“Indeed.” The other agreed and appeared relieved that Thorin changed the subject. “ _Of course_ he was born without his memories intact, so he doesn’t quite understand his obsession with us…but he’s quite the thorn in our sides at the moment. I don’t think I’ve had so many silly accusations in my life.” He chuckled softly.

As they neared the first floor, Thorin said, “I have free time form now on, we should…”

“Yes,” the blonde nodded, “dinner would be splendid. I believe we have much to discuss, the Smaug case and other matters.”

The younger smiled inwardly as the other walked out of the elevator. While they were still on difficult terms, they had mutually gotten over what had happened in the past and moved on. They knew how to deal with one another properly. More so than when they had previously. Thranduil often invited him out to dinner, but Thorin had always refused. However, it was usually due to business keeping him too busy. Not because he wanted to avoid the other man.

“Yes…just let me know when you want to go.”

They walked together towards the exit, the doors held open by the doormen. Outside the weather was unusually cold, even with the sun brightly shining in the sky. Thorin’s smile faltered as he thought of what he was going home to. He paused to watch as Thranduil’s driver pulled into the building’s entrance driveway. The silver car was flashy and suited the other man perfectly.

Just as Thranduil moved to get into his car, he turned to Thorin, “I’m sorry about what happened. Should you need my help…with anything, please call.”

And with that, the two men parted.

 

* * *

 

Fili stared out the train window and watched the scenery flash by. They were somewhere in the country, but he wasn’t really sure where exactly. He had a book on his lap but he’d stopped reading some time ago. His mother was watching him very carefully, stealing quick glances around them every now and then when someone made any kind of movement. When he did look at her, she looked nervous and afraid of something.

“Mom?” he whispered. “Where are we going?”

Dis averted her gaze as she answered, “far.”

“How far?”

“Away from where we were Fili.” Her lips formed a thin line and her eyes narrowed.

“But where? How far?” he pressed with a frown. He didn’t understand what she was saying.

“ _Far away!_ ” she yelled irritably, giving her son an angered look. 

Quickly realizing how loud she was, she turned and apologized to the passengers around them. Fili’s eyes stung with tears as he looked down at the ground. He swung his legs and tried to think of something else to talk about, but found he could only think of where they were going. Was uncle Frerin going to be coming as well? He held back his tears and sniffed a little. Looking up a little, he watched his mother as she bit her nails anxiously.

Dis leaned forward and placed her hands on her face, releasing a long sigh. She knew she could only get so far before her family would send people after her. They _would_ find her and then they would take Fili away from her. No, she wasn’t handing her son over to them.

“We’ll be alright.” She promised to her golden-haired son, “I’ll make it work.”

“Mom?” Fili felt nervous as he watched his mother smile to herself. He didn’t know if he should feel reassured by her words or not. It would be better if he gave her the impression that he understood…

The boy took his mother’s hand, giving it a squeeze as he wove his fingers through hers. Her eyes were glistening with tears and he could only smile in response.

_Everything will be fine._

That night he didn’t sleep. They were still on the train and quickly on their way to their next destination. Fili found no rest, as he lay awake in his bed. He stared up at the ceiling with a frown and wondered about where they were going. Below him his mother was fast asleep and moved occasionally to adjust her position. The beds were nothing close to being comfortable, both itchy and stiff. The boy turned onto his side so that he could look out the window. He watched and watched until his eyes grew heavy and tired.

_Go to sleep…just close your eyes…_

 

_“You’ll be the seeker and I’ll hide!”_

_Fili turned to face the silhouette of a child-sized person. He assumed it was a boy from the deeper voice and wider build. The golden haired boy moved closer in an effort to get a better idea of what the other looked like, but found no matter how close he got, it was pointless. The shadow giggled before taking off at a blinding speed. Fili himself stumbled forward as he instinctively prepared to run after the other. He then took in his surroundings, not knowing where to start. They were in some kind of cavern-looking room. With no evident source of natural light, Fili squinted into the darkness. There were various tunnels and windows carved into the stone walls. Were they in a cave?_

_“Hold on!” he called, “who are you?”_

_“You know me!” the other answered with a laugh. “It’s_ me _!”_

_“I don’t know anyone that looks like you!” Fili shook his head as he tried to catch a glimpse of the boy, “come back here!”_

_“Come find me!”_

_Fili took a hesitant step forward before taking off in a random direction. He didn’t know where to go, but his feet were leading him. Why was that? He charged through one particularly low tunnel that led to an open space, he immediately stopped upon seeing who was there._

_“Mother?” he asked, looking at a woman who looked very much like her. Only she was…different. She was shorter and plumper-looking. Her dark charcoal-coloured hair was curly and braided in various fashions atop her head. When she turned to look at him, he saw that she had a slight beard about her face. Usually he would have laughed at the sight of a bearded woman…but it seemed normal to him. Normal? He tilted his head as he realized that it was far from being so. Wouldn’t he be insulting his mother by saying she looked good with a beard on her face?_

_“Fee, what’re you doing here? Weren’t you with…?” She smiled at him, as the last part of her sentence was nothing more than her mouth moving and silence._

_“With who?” he asked, hoping he just hadn’t heard._

_“With…” Dis gave her son a puzzled look. “Weren’t the two of you together?”_

_Fili ran back into the tunnel and went as fast as he could. Where was he? He wanted to wake up…now. There was nothing very nice about the dream he was having. He raced past the place where he’d woken up and down another tunnel. This one was rockier and steeper than the previous one. He slipped occasionally, stumbling forward and grazing his cheeks against sharp rocks as he ran even faster._

_“Where are you?” he yelled upon reaching a new clearing, his voice echoed on the cold rocky walls. He waited and waited to hear a response. When he closed his eyes, he felt a presence creep up on him._

_“Here I am.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm back with a new chapter~   
> I hope you enjoy and leave comments for me! I'd be more than happy to hear what you guys have to say~


	4. Trapped

Frerin was pacing along the hallway when his brother walked through the front door.  The man looked exhausted as he handed his coat to the housekeeper and slowly made his way up to the study. Dragging his feet on the creaking wood, Frerin watched the man’s shoulders slump and his head dip down. Thorin mumbled under his breath and sighed as he walked up the spiraling staircase. Upon reaching the top, he walked straight into the study and slammed the door shut behind him. Frerin bit his lip as he watched the other man and continued to walk about the second floor. He decided to wait a few minutes before knocking on the door.

“Come in.” Thorin called when he did.

Opening it, Frerin dipped inside first, “can we talk?”

The young businessman motioned for him to come in. “You don’t need to ask me to talk,” he smiled to his younger brother, “we’re not royalty,” he joked.

“Not anymore.” Frerin bobbed his head in agreement as he moved to sit on one of the couches near the window. The older of the two sat behind the main desk, shuffling papers around and placing them in piles before starting again. Frerin had come to realize it was one of his nervous twitches, something he did when he was in deep thought. He watched as his brother moved to shuffle the pile he’d just worked on, raising an eyebrow. He looked outside as he said, “Obviously…it’s about Dis.”

“I figured.” Thorin closed his eyes, “I never thought she would go to such extreme lengths…I know she’s still hurt from what I did, but there aren’t any wars here…no enemies to kill or kingdoms to reclaim. We’re human. What could I possible do to Fili now? Erebor no longer exists in this world; it’s nothing more than another mountain among the many. It’s not like I’d enlist him in the army… I’ve learnt from my mistakes.”

Fili…how he missed his golden-haired nephew. He hadn’t been old enough to recognize Thorin or anyone else who’d been linked to the quest when they’d seen each other. Dis had left the boy with Frerin while she worked during the day and Thorin always left early to see him. She would never have allowed him to see the baby otherwise. Holding the small child close in his arms, he had apologized in low whispers and hoped somehow that he would be forgiven for what he’d done. In the past they hadn’t parted on good terms…

“To be honest,” Frerin admitted as Thorin looked up sadly, “I don’t know what made her the way she is now. It was sometime before she had the baby…”

“ _Pardon_?” Thorin stopped all movement. “Baby? When?”

Of course, Dis had asked him to not mention anything about the baby. He hadn’t told anyone in the family about it. No one. Not even Thorin. Shifting uncomfortably, realizing he’d have to explain the situation clearly, he looked his brother in the eyes.

 

 Fili awoke with a startle, his mother nudging him gently. She smiled when he opened his eyes and explained that they were getting off the train. He nodded with a yawn, rubbing his eyes as he dragged himself off the cot. He hadn’t slept well at all. His mother was grabbing their things and quickly checking her cellphone for the time. Why was she so worried?

“Hurry up, Fili.” She said sternly, noticing how slow he was.

“I am.” He mumbled back.

“You haven’t even changed yet!” Dis turned to him impatiently.

“I’m _hurrying_!” he shouted back angrily and moved to get his clothes out.

“We have to meet someone in fifteen minutes, if we miss him…” She bit her lip and went about pacing the small compartment. Fili quickly pulled another shirt on, realizing he’d slept in his pants, and shoved his pajama top into his bag before turning to his mother again.

“I’m done!” he said with a gloomy face.

“Good. Let’s go.”

They moved through the train just as it pulled into the station. Fili felt his body sway as the locomotive came to a slow halt. He grabbed onto his mother to steady himself, she reached down to secure him. She was shaking. Fili looked up nervously just as she reassuringly smiled down at him and hugged him closer. It did nothing to calm him. Her odd behaviour made him anxious, as if there was some impending tragedy awaiting them down the road. He could do nothing but hang onto her now, however, as he didn’t even know where they were.

“It’ll be alright.” Her words echoed in his mind, making him feel sick.

“I know, mommy.” He answered back. But his words were empty and lacked the hope he was trying to pretend to have.

They quickly exited the train and brushed past all the other passengers streaming from the doors. People were waiting to get on and impatiently moved forward, in hopes of getting on quicker. Security guards were yelling for them to back up but they didn’t appear to have any kind of control. People were yelling and talking all around them. Fili held onto his mother’s hand and looked at her back with wide, horrified eyes. Where were they going? Why were there so many people? He could barely see anything around him, as he only reached their hips at most in height.

Dis navigated the crowd easily and guided him to a quieter area where she sat him down on a bench and kneeled in front of him. She ran a hand through his hair and cupped his cheek lovingly. Fili’s face drained of any kind of colour, fear spreading across his face.

“Are you ok?” Dis asked in concern, grabbing his hands. “What’s wrong Fili?”

“Where are we going?” he asked, his voice cracking.

“We’re going to our new home.”

“Is uncle Frerin going to be there? He’s always there first…he opens the door for us…”

Dis gave her son a sad look as she shook her head. “It’s just going to be us. Uncle Frerin couldn’t make it this time around. He’s really busy with work.”

His mother closed her eyes, just as someone came up behind her. Fili tensed immediately at the sight of a tall, muscular man with skulls drawn all over his arms. He stared –or rather glared- down at Dis as he picked up her bags and gestured for her to follow. Fili watched as his mother rose a little and quickly tried to pull her down again.

She shook her head, “we have to go.”

“I don’t want to.” He said with a frown, “he looks mean.”

Dis sighed, “He’s much nicer than he looks. Come on Fili, we have to go.” 

The boy complied with his mother’s words and allowed her to drag him to his feet. He looked towards the ground as they walked behind the man and into a beaten down pick-up truck. Even when he was squished between the two, he kept his gaze averted so he didn’t have to look at the man. His mother was making small conversation as they drove but no one answered her. Eventually she grew silent and went to look outside the window to pass the time. Fili didn’t know how long they were in the car, it felt like hours to him as he tried to think of how to get out.

He had to get away…

 

“We have to find her.” Thorin stated as soon as Frerin had finished talking, “this is ridiculous. She’s gone mad.”

“I tried to talk her out of it…” the other man looked away in shame, as if Thorin was disappointed in him.

“I know you tried, I would never doubt your efforts.” He tapped a finger against the wooden desk as he considered the options. Would sending his own personal security after his sister make things any better? If anything, it’d make her try even harder to disappear. She knew how to evade them. Even Dwalin had failed the first time around. Evidently, Frerin was no longer an option. “Gandalf.”

“That’s…”

“Do you have someone else in mind? Aside from the authorities…who else is there? _Thranduil_?” Frerin spat the name out as if it were poison, his distaste of the previous elven king quite evident in his voice. He still shared the same opinion of their father and grandfather on elven-kind.

Thorin’s eyes narrowed, “Gandalf and I are not on the best of terms at the moment…However, I doubt he would turn us away. He will be difficult to negotiate with so be prepared.”

The other nodded, a thin smile to his face. He resumed looking outside as the two brothers sat in a long silence. Neither knew what to say anymore on the subject of their sister’s recent decisions. Nor did they want to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's a bit of a filler chapter... I wanted to get something up, but I'm not entirely sure that this is what I'll keep here. I might take it down completely and re-write it.   
> There may be a time skip coming up soon.   
> Anywho, please leave comments~


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